These frequent lockdowns and quarantine life has been taking a toll on all and it isn’t a surprise anymore. We see our kids acting out, the adults in the house are sometimes irrationally arguing, the help may at times throw unnecessary tantrums. All in all, it has been tough on the youngest and the oldest. No one prepped us for this nightmarish way of living. One tried each day to be thankful and full of gratitude coz things could have gone way more south than they already have. But human nature tends to peek its head up every now and then and reminds us of our innate inabilities to constantly be able to cheer on with a smile smacked across our lips.
Then again, the focus has been on the kids to ensure that they don’t feel the blatant blow of this monstrosity and so parents are yanking away at their brains to come up with innovative ways of keeping kids busy and constructively occupied. Some are watching their kids with a hawk eye for signs of any form of anxiety, geared with armour, at the very first sighting of anxiousness.
The parents are automatically putting their emotions on back burners and trudging on. I guess it comes so instinctively and parents do not even realise.
2021 has been one such year for me and my husband. These past few months somehow weighed its head on our relationship so heavily that we both couldn’t even muster the strength to try to make things right. It felt like this huge effort to even try to temper yourself down. Whatever little energy one could conjure was attributed towards the kids and thus none was ever left to fill the gaping holes of miscommunication that seemed to be piling on between us.
A few days ago, I broke down and I told him that we need to step out for the night together so that we can talk. He readily agreed. I am sure he too felt the grimness filling the air more and more each day.
And so we booked a room in a hotel for the night. Hail the grandparents for coming to the rescue.
You cannot even imagine how desperately we both needed this break. A couple of conversations without any distractions was all that was needed. All the misconceptions evaporated into thin air without a raised voice.
Sometimes we truly underestimate the importance of time away from not only the kids but also from the surroundings that we live in, day in and day out. A change of scenery tweaks the perspective also a tad, adds some clarity to thoughts and definitely drowns your own mental chatter that’s rearing its head 24/7 on the home turf.
You know what I did in these 24 hours:
I heard the silence in the room and smiled. There wasn’t a kid knocking on my door asking for a sock or lost toy or asking me to meddle in to sort out a fight.
I watched the lush green view from my hotel room’s french window and heard the birds chirping. There wasn’t a maid knocking on my door asking me to plan the meals for the day.
I read a book without a grocery list as my bookmark albeit reminder to order and keep the house functional.
I talked to him about everything and nothing. I told him gossip that now, was dated news. I discussed people that mattered and those that didn’t.
I cuddled up and watched tv with him.
I shared a drink with him whilst talking about work.
I stood in the shower for an extra 5 minutes letting the warm water seep into my pores without a knock on my bathroom door asking me, how long will I be.
I sat in the bubble bath with him sharing silence.
I gently woke up to the light rays of sunshine washing over my face instead of a startled jolt to the shrieking sound of my children starting their day with a fight.
I spent 24 hours without an agenda with my husband
I had no idea how much me and him needed this time away till we actually took it per force. This made me realise one thing, life will continue to happen while we are busy doing other things. But it is really upon us to fix what is between us. Procrastination for another day isn’t a solution. Suppressing your own thoughts and mental chatter will only make things worse.
Sometimes mere miscommunication or just lack of time can make one feel distanced and aloof. These multitude of distractions that we live with each day only add on the list of things that can slowly and steadily make its way between a couple. The intrusion happens so seamlessly that it becomes difficult to even gauge. Some unadulterated time and a change of scene is all you need to keep the spark alive.